The clock strikes midnight as I approach the front door of my dorm. I notice red and blue lights atop an ambulance flickering in the distance. As I get closer, I realize that there is a pants-less body collapsed on the sidewalk. First of all- what? Second of all- WHAT?! I discreetly watched as paramedics loaded pants-less John Doe onto a gurney and sped him away. Apparently the party Señor Pantalones attended was hoppin'. I wouldn't know, because I was on the floor of my dorm organizing school supplies.
This one goes out to my girl, @chancahoon. Chandler, being the bright and intelligent freshman she is, only had one class on Tuesday morning. (Or so she thought.) She spent the entire day frivolously skipping around campus without a care in the world. It wasn't until later that night when a kindhearted friend (ehhem) questioned the rigor of her schedule. Upon reexamination, Chandler came to the realization that she had, in fact, unintentionally skipped two of her classes. On the first day.
Upon examining my schedule, I noticed that my calculus teacher is named Hing Huong. I didn't think much of it and wasn't really worried about it... And then he opened his mouth. Professor Huong was actually the inspiration for the Asian girl on Pitch Perfect. He speaks very little English, and the small amount of English that does come out of his mouth is uttered so quietly that it actually registers as a negative decibel on the decibel scale. Mom and Dad: if you're reading this, please send me a hearing aid in my next care package thx luv u :)
Jenny, my roommate, was texting as she walked down the hallway of our dorm. Deciding to take the stairs instead of waiting for the prehistoric elevator to reluctantly creep up to our floor, she continued texting as she made her way to the staircase. After opening up the door of the stairwell, she looked up from her phone to find that she had not entered the stairwell, but the dorm room of two alarmed strangers.
While simultaneously dragging my monstrous laundry bag across the quad to the laundry room and scrolling through Instagram (In hindsight, I realize that this probably wasn't the best idea), I didn't see the loose brick ominously paved an inch above its neighbors. Needless to say, I tripped, the laundry went flying, and I face planted onto the brick pavement. The number of stares and laughs directed at me as my socks rained across campus far outweigh the number of stars in the sky.
I entered the elevator to find an extremely attractive male already in there. When he asked me, "What floor?" all that came out of my mouth was, "Uhhdfahhhhuhh yes." Surprisingly, he didn't ask me on a date after that encounter.
Other notes I have regarding this week:
1. The number of bags of popcorn that I have classified as "meals" this week is frankly alarming.
2. Care packages from family members are the bomb.com.
3. Don't sing on the elevator because people will be standing there staring when the doors open.
4. The corridors of Haley Center were actually designed by terrorists to make freshmen minds explode.
5. College is fun.
