The Great Plunge.

Q: What do you do when your lunch box ends up in the toilet? 

Yes, you heard me right. My lunch box took a rather unfortunate swim. It was another one of those days... are you even surprised? I had already spilled coffee all over my books, completely bombed a test, and fallen asleep in class. Yippee. I thought to myself, "Hey, it can only get better from here!" Wrong.

I was in a hurry. I had only one mission: quickly use the restroom and then bolt to class. Determined to be on time, I power walked to the bathroom with my 102 pound backpack straddling my spine and my lunch box swinging from my fingers. In a rush, I violently flung open the stall door and hurled my backpack to the ground. As I did this, however, my hand muscles decided to conveniently unclench just as my lunch box dangled over The Pit of Doom. 

I watched, horrified, as my lunch box slowly spiraled downward. I cringed as I heard the splash and watched the light pink fabric quickly darken to purple. "WHAT DO I DO?!" I shrieked as I stared at the sopping blob that continued to sink further into the seemingly never-ending well. I faintly recall hearing the distant cheers of whole grain goldfish as they dove into the flushable aquarium. Finally, I shooed the sewer rats out of the way, plunged my hand into the septic tank, and retrieved the toxic mass. As the minute bell rang, I abandoned my hopes of using the restroom and, utterly defeated, trudged to class with a dripping disease-box (identified by the CDC as the root of a potential outbreak) in hand.

A: You ignore the fact that the food you are about to ingest has spent time where others have... you know...

Yes, you heard me right. I ate my lunch. I was mocked. I was ridiculed. I was probably labeled Poop Girl. But I was hungry, and I wanted my yogurt, dangit. I mean, all of my food was sealed in plastic bags, and my peanut butter sandwich only slightly smelled of urine (I'm kidding).. So I'm good, right? Maybe? No? I'll let you know if I contract any diseases.

R.I.P.