The Freshman Files: A Midterm Update.

After what has simultaneously seemed like two days yet also two years, we have reached the midterm. I'm 1/16 done with college- what?? Most people would think that by now, the embarrassing stories would have decreased. After two months, we probably should have gotten the hang of this whole college thing, right? HA- no. Let me just fill you in with a few random snippets from me and other miserably awkward freshmen.

I'm just really good with people. My social skills are top- notch. Ex. 1: While socializing with a nice boy late at night in the library, I tried to explain my nocturnal body clock: "Yeah, I'm never alert enough to get work done in the morning. I'm just really a nice person. WAIT. NIGHT PERSON. NIGHT NOT NICE. I MEAN NIGHT." *Boy looked at me like I had Ebola and ran away in fear* #makingfriends

"I walked onto a Tiger Transit bus and sat down, then realized I didn't know how they worked and stood up and got back off." - Sammy

While Chandler was moving her laundry from the washer to the dryer, she had to cross over a boy sitting beneath her. As she stepped over him, an unnamed article of clothing fell from her pile of clothes and landed atop the boy's head. You can use your imagination to figure out what was dropped. The boy stared with mouth agape, completely horrified. Chandler stared back with mouth also agape, even more horrified. She eventually summoned enough strength to sprint out of the laundry room, never looking back.

"I ripped a giant hole in the crotch of my jeans during my first AU Singers performance." - Taylor

Rebecca was told to go talk to her RA, and being the responsible girl she is, she obliged. When she knocked on his door, he said, "Come in," and once more, she obliged. When she walked in, she found him in his bed, half- asleep, unclothed, and sporting a fashionable sleep mask. Feeling very uncomfortable, she quickly spit out what she needed to tell him. *Insert 30 seconds of very awkward silence* Rebecca fiddled with her keys to break up the silence. *Insert 30 more seconds of very awkward silence* Finally, the RA replied, "Sorry, I thought you were one of the boys.... Can you step outside so I can put some pants on?" Rebecca obliged.

"I face planted on the concourse in front of a sorority handing out flowers... They didn't give me a flower." - Sarah

Ex. 2 of my adept people skills: While talking to a boy as I exited class, I swung the door open, assuming that it would hang open long enough for me to walk through. I was wrong. The door swung back with the speed of a freaking guillotine, knocked me over, and rammed me into the wall. The boy nervously laughed and walked away as I slowly peeled my dismembered body off of the ground. He hasn't spoken to me since.

"I wore my hot pink shower shoes with heart holes to class one day." - Catherine

One morning I was running late to class and didn't have time to make myself a cup of coffee. Determined to make it to class on time, I threw on clothes, grabbed my backpack, and ran out the door. It wasn't until I got outside that I looked down and realized that I had forgotten to put on pants.

"I scored a 0 on a 25 point question on my first math test... My teacher literally circled it and wrote "This makes no sense." It made perfect sense in my head..." - Shannon

Attention all: I have achieved campus- wide fame. I am now known as (drum roll, please) KEURIG GIRL. Yes, I take my Keurig to the library. No, I am not ashamed. I have now been Yik Yakked about multiple times... swag.

Searching for Christmas present ideas for your friends and family? A K-Cup signed by me would make a great keepsake. It would probably get passed down as a prized family heirloom for generations to come.

Side notes:
1. Sleep really is optional.
2. I spill more coffee on myself than I actually manage to consume. And I consume a lot.
3. I have barely escaped being hit by cars on six different occasions. In all likelihood my luck will soon run out.
4. I have gone insane and will soon be transferring to Bryce Mental Hospital.
5. I am even more awkward than I originally thought.

At this rate, there is no hope for me. My only solace is knowing that I'm not alone. We are the freshmen; we stand together, united as one body of dysfunctional, unfortunate, and awkward souls. 1/16 down, 15/16 to go.